The Saturday Unexpected

It's Saturday morning and I don't usually write on the weekend, but as I told someone the other day with me expect the unexpected.

I actually expected to be grocery shopping right now but it's raining pretty hard so I have opted out of food shopping for today. Why get soaked if you don't have to?

I am suddenly faced with one of the most exciting realities: I can do whatever I want.

I know that sounds really basic, but how many people that you know (and maybe even yourself) feel 'trapped' somewhere or by something that isn't even real?

Right, a lot of people feel that way.

I just suddenly realized that any 'traps' that I once felt caught in were entirely in my mind. And even if I was trapped as a child (and I was for a while) I kept on feeling trapped for years after I was 'untrapped.'

And suddenly that illusion of being caught has fallen away.

I even dreamed last night about being free and unfettered. I had two places of my own. One place could be thought of as 'a room of my own' and another where I live as a family.

I think my mind has given me the space to be both alone and not alone in my consciousness, in my soul.

There are times when I am very much alone. Now is one of those times. I know I will not be interrupted by anyone and I can write and think and be. Eventually I will get in my car and drive away and then I will come back.

Tomorrow will not be like that however. It will be filled with hockey and groceries and a birthday party.

But these two very different worlds make up a large part of my life. I have finally struck a balance between them and given myself the permission to live both of these lives to the fullest by being in whatever moment I am in at that time.

I no longer let myself dwell on the past or get pulled into the future. I simply dwell in the now.

That doesn't mean I don't plan or save or organize, but I do all that at a specific time and with purpose. When I am done planning I am done and I then move on to the moment I am in.

But by realizing I can do whatever I want I have let go of all that fear that I carried around with me for years. I have simply decided not to worry or fear or hesitate, I just don't see the point in it anymore. I no longer live in that moment of indecision or anxiety.

Now when I hear people say: I don't really have a choice, I'm so busy I don't have time, and so on, I know these statements simply aren't true. They are making a choice to not really have a choice or they are choosing to stay so busy that they simply don't have the time.

I've been there and done that, but no more.

I can choose to do whatever I want and I don't choose excuses and chaos, I choose now.

Open Forum

Good morning one and all and welcome to another open forum.

It's been a very interesting week. A lot of things have happened and I am trying to figure out how to describe them.

I finished my query course and it was really great. I will get Helena to look over some of my queries in the future until I start getting magazine assignments and feel I'm really on my way.

The query course was the exact opposite of the short story class I went to (thank the Goddess Above for that). Helena was professional but real and very open and generous about her suggestions, comments and changes. I got the feeling that she was enabling my future success. I definitely didn't feel that way at the short story class.

In that class I felt as if my work was being looked at from a very small and snobby perspective. I'm not actually sure he really knew what he was talking about upon reflection. But one thing I did feel was that instead of being enriched by his 'knowledge' I felt greatly limited, almost as if he felt only an elite few would ever be 'something' as far as he was concerned. So instead of being generous, he was elitist.

He reminded me of some of my university professors actually (and he is currently teaching at Concordia). That 'I will always know more than you' way that they speak and talk down to you. It is sad that he relies on his position to step on other people's creative juices--a sure sign of insecurity and small-mindedness!

Anyway, I've been through that when I did my degree and I won't go through that again. Being treated like a lesser human being intellectually is old and tired and, well, I just don't put up with that crap anymore!

What else? My high tech project is on hold so I am going to look after some things I've been putting off.

I find that the universe is infinitely generous with me now and that all loose ends have resolved themselves. I have a sense of moving forward from here and I really like where my forward motion is taking me!

I wish you all a wonderful, fun-filled weekend of love and friendship.

I will see you all again on Monday.

The Journey

Good morning to you all.

I won't be writing for journey day today.

I let my son have a day off from school to just hang out so I am not really working today.

I will be back tomorrow because I have definitely started a new journey!

A demain.

The Mechanics

Well, Wednesday is usually mechanics day, but I'm just not in that kinda mood at all this morning.

I don't feel like being picky or analytical or even all that observant. No, my brain really wants to wander today.

My high tech project has been put on hold so I can spend my day floating around in my mind. These are always delicious days for me. It reminds me of summer vacation and the endless days of doing whatever I wanted.

So, I will take advantage of the mellow day to just be with myself by walking my dog and cleaning my house and writing in my journal. I just sent out two queries yesterday so I can take a break from that for the moment.

I know I should go to the bank and go to Chapters, but likely I won't.

I will meet the school bus this afternoon, but that's about all I want to schedule.

I wish you all a wonderful day in whatever form turns your dials.

A demain.

The Writer's Weekly

Good morning everyone! This is my 100th post! Time goes by so quickly.

Our Governor-General Michaelle Jean was recently called a reine-negre (negro queen) by Victor-Levy Beaulieu, a writer of fiction, non-fiction, drama and poetry. He is considered one of Quebec's intellectual heavyweights.

Beaulieu said Ms. Jean was appointed to her post as G-G because she was "black, young, pretty, ambitious, and because of her husband, certainly a nationalist as well."

In a recent interview the author defended his text saying he had not intended to be racist.

That's not how some of the Quebec political leaders see it however.

He may be considered an intellectual heavyweight, but that does not give him the right to voice his narrow-minded comments regarding a person based on their skin colour. (If Jean had been white I seriously doubt he would have nicknamed her the reine-blanche.) Living in Quebec I am well aware of how racist Quebecers (especially older Quebecers) can be. If you travel to Quebec City, for example, you will find hardly any non-white people living there. It is not hard to figure out why, they are not welcome. It's hard to explain, but the few minorities that I have met that lived there said they were not really welcomed anywhere and soon moved to Montreal.

M. Beaulieu recently threatened to burn copies of his entire body of work as a protest against the growth of bilingualism in Quebec.

Burn copies of his books in protest...give me a break! There's something strangely medieval about that threat. And what a great loss it would be to have a few less of his books on this planet. He obviously thinks very highly of himself!

I have never understood why French Canadians becoming proficient in English threatens some Quebecers so much. I think it could only be an advantage. Being bilingual opens many doors and it does not mean that the French Canadian culture will disappear! I think it adds to the culture immensely.

But if you watch the news here in French you realize that Quebecers are very isolated. The French news does not report on world events like the English media does. When watching the French news you could almost forget that there are other countries and bigger issues than French Canadian children learning English at school, for example. It's a very skewed version of what's going on and it appears that M. Beaulieu has bought into that view as well.

It is unfortunate that so many people want to put up fences around themselves. As soon as M. Beaulieu nicknamed a prominent black woman in one of his pieces he displayed his complete ignorance of black culture and, of course, our Governor-General as well.

The Voice

Good morning one and all. It's Monday.

My voice has been changing recently thanks to Helena Katz. I am just finishing up her query writing course. She has been published in many magazines and that's where I want to get published so I thought what a great opportunity the course would be. It definitely has been.

My queries were not quite focused enough and way too long. I have successfully trimmed down two of my ideas and I am going to work on the third today. The course ends on Friday. I have even sent out my first idea already so I cross my fingers on that one!

It's really amazing how many different skills we have to learn to be writers. Some of them overlap of course, but some of them really don't. For example, learning to focus my ideas and present them in a clear and concise way helps all my writing. It definitely is a necessary skill when writing a magazine article. And I use those same skills writing high tech collateral of course (this is for you again J-M), but learning the high tech language is very specific only to that genre of writing.

That's also the case for children's fiction. The voice of children's writing is very unique. I am working away on my fiction book and that is full of emotion and description and breath. The characters dance through my mind as I craft the story. It 's a wonderful feeling.

I can't say that writing high tech collateral dances exactly. It's more like using a scalpel and carefully crafting the sentences. It's a highly skilled job that requires patience, clarity and Google (as a necessary reference).

I wish you all a wonderful Monday.

And if I get a magazine assignment you'll be the first to know!

Open Forum

Happy Friday everyone.

OK, basset hounds are stubborn. An irony that has not escaped me as I can be stubborn myself. I have had my doggie for over a month now and on three separate occasions he has frustrated the dickens out of me by putting on the brakes. He stops, looks up at me with his sad eyes and refuses to move.

This morning was a test for me, I just know it. I took deep breaths, looked at the beautiful trees, laughed when he rolled in whatever he rolled in, but finally I had to drag him a bit on about three occasions. I don't like forcing anyone to do anything, but I refuse to walk in the opposite direction of my house when I'm heading home.

This time however it didn't make me mad. So, I'm improving. (And let's face it, I have dealt with a toddler.) You can't reason with a toddler or dog, but a dog doesn't throw a tantrum so...

How am I going to deal with this on a freezing cold -15 C day? I'll let you know.

All I do know is that I'm not violent at all. I would never hurt my doggie and I don't believe in hitting anyone. Never have, never will.

I am more likely to cry actually. A good cry is always good for the soul. Even if they are tears of frustration.

Have a great weekend everyone and see you on Monday.

The Journey

Good morning one and all. It's journey day.

The journeys that I have taken as a writer and as a person have been running parallel (and I just really noticed it yesterday).

How can I explain that!?

My writing experience has increased exponentially over the last couple years simply because I worked in-house and also started writing more and more for myself. In my mind writing became my profession and my passion along that road. It went from being an idea to being a reality.

My journey as a person has taken the same path. The idea of becoming myself was, at first, an idea. But that has since transformed into who I really am and how I really want to be. I know that sounds a little weird, but let me explain.

Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. I forgot who I was and who I wanted to be. I got caught up in a dysfunctional relationship and being a mom and just lost myself. It has been a very interesting journey finding my way back. At first finding myself was just an idea (I knew I was lost and knew I had to be found). But then it slowly started to happen bit by bit by bit until one day I was walking down a street in Old Montreal and I could feel the remaining pieces coming back to me. It was as if they physically reincorporated into my body and suddenly I was whole again.

It was only a week after that that I started working from my home office again. I am sure the closeness of those events were not a coincidence.

I found the quote by Tolle (from my blog yesterday) very moving and already experienced some results from putting out into the world what I felt the world was withholding from me.

For a long time I was very critical of myself. I was harsh and demanding of myself in a way that was extremely detrimental. I am no longer that way. I actually have let myself off the hook for things I would rather not have done knowing that I did the best I could at the time.

Last night I was out chatting at my local bar and received an apology and an explanation that I NEVER thought I would receive. I really didn't need the apology, I had already settled the situation in my mind but there I was receiving it anyway. I was a little surprised and honoured at the same time.

I realized that the universe was giving me back the forgiveness and explanation that I had withheld. The simple fact that I no longer required it changed the whole energy between myself and the other person and I ended up with more than I had ever anticipated.

It is hard to express how this newfound synchronicity has changed my life. I am not sure I would have noticed these subtle, beautiful gifts even months ago.

I will keep giving what I feel has been withheld, but I have a feeling that I will realize that nothing has been withheld at all. Imagine how my life will change if I truly realize that!

My life will become wide open--what an absolutely wonderful idea!

The Mechanics

Good morning to you all.

Today I am going to skip my mechanics day to discuss a quote I read yesterday that I think is quite profound.

"Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world." Eckhart Tolle

If you are at a place inside yourself where you are conscious of what you feel the world isn't giving you, this quote makes a lot of sense. Ultimately, it is never about what the world isn't giving you, it is about what you aren't giving the world.

There were days when I was so sad and caught up in my sadness (after my divorce) that I just couldn't see anything happy. I was then creating sadness for myself in my world as well.

We all have moments like this in our lives sometimes. But we don't have to allow our feelings to take over every situation that comes upon us. You can actually learn to step back from your feelings, it's not easy but it really works.

And that doesn't mean you don't feel things strongly, it just means you aren't reactive about the feelings that come up. You experience them from a different place than your ego. You don't take the feelings personally but instead let them flow through you. This helps you avoid getting stuck, but it also helps you keep sadness as a process you need to go through rather than a way of life.

I now know all the steps (the process) people go through after getting a divorce. Everyone may handle the steps differently but everyone I've met has gone through them in their own way.

I have decided that I am going to give back to people what I think they are withholding from me. Chances are they aren't withholding anything at all. It's more likely that I just wasn't ready to receive what they were ready to give.

That's one thing I have found divorce can do to you: It can make you fearful of relationships. There can be that voice in the back of your mind that says 'What if this relationship fails too?'

Well, if you think like that it surely will. But another thing divorce teaches you is that even if a relationship does fail (and sometimes they just do) you can survive it. Why? Because you already did.

That is the beauty of experience. So I am going to take Tolle's advice and whatever I think people are withholding from me, I will give them.

I look forward to experiencing the results.

A demain.

The Writer's Weekly

Good morning one and all.

It's Tuesday and the day for topics relating to writers in the media.

I really never thought that the actors would strike. When I was talking about the writer's strike I jokingly said that an actor's strike would last about two minutes.

What do actors have to strike about anyway? I have to admit I haven't read any real details about it. I did read a brief piece about a specific actress that felt she wouldn't be able to pay her $14,000. monthly alimony cheque to her ex. That times were getting hard for her because a show she'd been working on was cancelled and then, well, what about the possible actor's strike.

$14,000. in alimony!!!!!!!!!

I won't even go there. Needless to say I am not too sympathetic with her plight. It would be horrible to expect her to sell one of her houses to make ends meet...

OK, so I just can't take the actor's strike as seriously. I admit it. Not to say that I don't enjoy TV shows and movies sometimes, but I don't really think you can compare a successful actor's financial realities with writers' financial realities. We are talking about (most of the time) very different planets here.

Anyway, that's how I see it. Have a great one.

Open Forum

Good morning one and all and welcome to Open Forum.

Friday is the day I set aside to write about whatever I choose.

Sometimes it's about writing and sometimes it really isn't.

I was thinking about Andrew's post (from the Canadian Writers' Collective) about his father. I understand where Andrew is coming from.

Having had a none too successful marriage and being faced with single motherdom, I often feel insecure, unsure and alone in my decisions about my life and of course my son. The decisions and ideas I agonize over are sometimes big and I may appear together to my son (and other people around me), but I endure many sleepless nights and have to write countless pages in my journal to come to decisions that I am comfortable with for myself and, more importantly, for my son.

I try to run my life so that my son doesn't experience my dips and insecurities and I hope he does see me as a supermom. Kids are supposed to be kids and I don't want him taking on any of my worries or concerns. As Andrew rightly pointed out, he'll have to make all these decisions when he's a father so for now he can be innocent.

When you become a parent you really don't know what you're getting yourself into. It's a beautiful ride of great extremes and it has definitely put me more in touch with emotions I didn't quite know I had. I have never felt so helpless or inadequate (the colic phase) , or such joy (his first steps), or such heart-bursting giggle fits (when we share a joke that triggers the giggle monster) or such absolute peace (when he's asleep in my arms) as I have with my son.

I think being a real person involves lots of moments of reflection and not knowing immediately what you want to do or be or become. That certainly doesn't stop when you become a supermom or superdad.

I try to look at my life as a work in progress with a lot of love, respect and patience mixed in. I try to be just as generous with myself as I am with my son realizing that it's all new not only for him, but for me as well.

I would never take any of it back. I am honoured to share my life with such a beautiful child.

When we are broken open and feel our most vulnerable that is when we find ourselves: I have had the pleasure of having this wonderful journey with my son.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

The Journey

Good morning to you all.

My journey is taking me to the vet this morning for my doggie's annual shots and check up so I will return tomorrow with Open Forum.

I wish you all a wonderful day and remember what Robin Skelton said: You cannot heal where you cannot hurt.

A demain.

The Mechanics

Good morning everyone!

Today is any, every, no and some day.

The words any, every, no and some form solid compounds when combined with body, thing and where:

• anybody, anything, anywhere
• everybody, everything, everywhere
• nobody, nothing, nowhere
• somebody, something, somewhere

However, when one is the second element write no as a separate, unhyphenated word in all situations. And write any and every as separate, unhyphenated words if one is followed by a prepositional phrase beginning with of:

• No one came.
• Any one of us can do it.
• Each and every one of you must help.

but

• Someone must tell the Minister.
• Everyone is in agreement.
• Anyone can participate.

This is a good rule to know. And, as I have discovered, an easy mistake to make.

Have a great day (and don't you just love Grammar Girl!?--Quick and dirty tips it is).

The Writer's Weekly

Good morning to you all.

I am too distracted by the disasters happening in the world to discuss the minutiae of writing today.

When I read about Myanmar, and now the devastating earthquake in China, I realized how fragile our lives really are.

One day your life is, well, regular and routine and then suddenly it changes completely, and sometimes forever.

It is painful to realize that the aid waiting to help in Myanmar is not even being allowed to reach the people who desperately need it.

And in China seconds mean lives, especially for the schools that were flattened in the quake.

It is at times like these I wonder why people become concerned with buying a bigger house, a nicer car or those diamond earrings.

I know having nice things is fine, but our society has an obsession with having more than we need, even to be comfortable.

I think we all realize that the one-day budget for defense in the US could feed all the world's starving children.

But, we let the children starve anyway. Why? Because they aren't in our backyard. But wait, there are children starving in Montreal too.

Somehow I can't help but feel we are all part of the problem, even if we don't mean to be.

I think I will spend some time thinking about how I can change this reality. Little changes and little choices can add up to be revolutionary changes in my life, so why not someone else's life too?

If we all took the time to sponsor a child or donate money regularly to a women's shelter it would create a snowball effect that would likely save lives.

There couldn't be anything negative about that. People simply have to take the time.

Time. That's something we have a lot of.

We should use it wisely.

The Voice

Good morning to you all, it's voice day.

I've been told that I should keep my high tech voice fresh until at least Christmas (this is for you J-M).

That's very cool!

There's nothing as satisfying as sinking my teeth into a new project that's ready and waiting for my input.

Working with a friend is an interesting experience as well.

Most of my business associates have not been friends and it is remarkably refreshing to consult with someone I feel very comfortable with.

All that sorta weird business-like decorum stuff is just not there and it makes it a lot easier for me to feel part of the whole, which is important when I am writing for a company.

I must absorb the vision of the company so that I can write about it in an accurate voice.

I have been told that I can adjust my voice quite well to suit different audiences. I have always found that one of the elements of writing that I love the most. I slip my mind into the space of the reader, whoever that reader may be, and then I write what that reader would want to know and to understand.

My query writing online class is going well too. I needed an experienced writer to read my ideas and show me 'the forest for the trees.' I think it's working. The broader picture let's me see my ideas in a larger context and helps me become more focused. I am hoping this online class will help me get some magazine assignments.

I also get to read the other writers' ideas and that will help me generate new ideas too. I get a peak into how other people think and that's always a bonus.

I wish you all a productive and enlightening day!

And as John Updike said: To be in print is to be saved.

Open Forum

Good morning one and all!

I have a meeting this morning so I will wish you all a wonderful weekend.

And remember: The more risks you take the luckier you become.

See you on Monday.

The Journey

Good morning one and all! It's journey day and today everything goes better with sleep!

I slept twelve hours last night and I feel absolutely wonderful!

I have always been a devoted sleeper, but after my sleep last night I am reminded why. I feel so relaxed, alert, happy and, well, in love with everything--yes, that's the way I would describe it!

Days like this balance out days like yesterday when I felt as if I was holding everything together with paper tweezers.

I have now totally realized that my journey, whatever that may be at a particular moment, goes better with sleep. I could write a commercial with that slogan. Never mind it going better with Bailey's--sleep I say, definitely sleep!

The Mechanics

Good morning to you all!

Normally I would be writing my mechanics blog today; however, my son has a sore throat so...I think I will leave it for today.

I wish everyone a productive day and I will see you all tomorrow!

The Writer's Weekly

Good morning to you all!

I read a couple of articles in the newspaper this morning that seemed so obvious to me.

First of all there was a study done on breast-fed babies versus formula-fed babies and the researchers found that the breast-fed babies ended up with higher IQs (on average) than the formula-fed babies.

I have always wondered why people would even consider feeding their babies formula. OK there are some circumstances when it's necessary, but there is a reason why women produce milk. It's for the baby! I don't understand how anyone could imagine that artificially produced formula (coming from another animal completely) could possibly benefit a human child the same way breast milk does.

The second article was obvious and disturbing at the same time. A study was done on new parents to find out how much knowledge they have gained about their child's life stages and developmental milestones. One third of the respondents scored four or less on a scale of eleven. They basically flunked the questionnaire about age-appropriate development and appropriate parental expectations.

The study further found that the group that scored the lowest on the questionnaire had the poorest interactions with their children.

This seems so obvious to me. If you are expecting a child and you don't read any books, magazines or watch any shows on babies and children and the different developmental stages, well, what would you expect! That's like working at a job that you know nothing about. Do you think you're going to do a good job and understand all the intricacies of that job? No, of course not.

But in this case it is your children, and yourself as well, that pay the ultimate price. You end up raising children without any knowledge of their abilities at certain ages. You will then expect too much or too little from your child at different stages and either option is damaging.

I have always found it frustrating that we are over-educated about everything in our society except how to raise our children.

I couldn't put down books and magazines when I was pregnant and when my son was younger. Even now I still read articles on age-appropriate expectations of pre-adolescent children. I mean, I'm not omnipotent, sometimes I need help, support and ideas.

Anyway, that's the type of person I am. I find out what I want to know about everything that is important to me. And being a mother is the most important creative project I have ever and will ever be involved in.

The Voice

Good morning one and all!

My voice this coming month will be shared between my online query writing course and work I am doing for a software company (among other things that may arrive on my desk unplanned). I do have clients that just arrive and have an urgent job for me, so I just never know.

I am really looking forward to my query writing course. I have sent off a few queries and almost got an assignment. I've had very positive feedback so I know I'm on the right track. I figure getting some pointers from a writer that has published many articles in magazines is a great way to learn some new skills.

The work I am doing for the software company is exciting as well. I really love writing high tech collateral (I slipped that word in there for you J-M). It's material I can really sink my teeth into and, as I have said before, devoid of emotion. Perfect. Why? Because writing queries is not emotionless in the least. So I will be able to strike a very nice balance!

I must say though that writing high tech materials involves using a lot of active verbs and short, very well-organized sentences so even though it isn't emotional it's pretty fast-paced on purpose (to hold the often reluctant readers).

So this month is shaping up to be a wonderful learning experience and a high tech extravaganza!

Open Forum

Good morning everyone. Happy Friday!

It is a gorgeous day. After taking an hour-long walk with my pooch I feel invigorated.

I had a fairly busy week and I have enjoyed it thoroughly. It felt good to be out and about a bit. I mostly work from my home so being in Outremont and downtown Montreal added to the flavour of my week. I haven't gotten much actual writing done, but I have added to the potential writing I will do next week so it's all good.

I have organized the way I want to work through my writing life. It has taken me a few months to do this and it feels good to finally have made some decisions. I had to try a few things and then decide what I feel the most solid with and what brings in revenue as well.

Some writing doesn't make much (if any) money, but the rewards are not monetary anyway so this isn't that big of a deal. There is writing that I would do for the rest of my life without ever getting paid for it.

Then there is professional writing that pays very well and is surprisingly fresh to produce despite the fact that it is technical in nature. It is my technical writing that keeps me crisp and streamlined as a writer. I value it very highly and it is what pays most of my bills.

Editing is the flip side of the coin and it keeps me vigilant and up-to-date on the current writing styles and trends. I enjoy editing for that reason and it is also a very lucrative skill to have.

So I am on track--as far as my writing career is concerned.

After a few months of decision-making it now feels good to be able to put my foot to the floor.

I wish you all a wonderful weekend and I will leave you with this final thought by Marcel Proust: The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.

The Journey

Good morning one and all!

I have yet another meeting this morning so I won't be able to write about my journey today.

I will be back tomorrow, however, with Open Forum.

Have a great day everyone!

And remember to have your cake and eat it too!