The Journey

Good morning one and all. It's journey day.

The journeys that I have taken as a writer and as a person have been running parallel (and I just really noticed it yesterday).

How can I explain that!?

My writing experience has increased exponentially over the last couple years simply because I worked in-house and also started writing more and more for myself. In my mind writing became my profession and my passion along that road. It went from being an idea to being a reality.

My journey as a person has taken the same path. The idea of becoming myself was, at first, an idea. But that has since transformed into who I really am and how I really want to be. I know that sounds a little weird, but let me explain.

Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. I forgot who I was and who I wanted to be. I got caught up in a dysfunctional relationship and being a mom and just lost myself. It has been a very interesting journey finding my way back. At first finding myself was just an idea (I knew I was lost and knew I had to be found). But then it slowly started to happen bit by bit by bit until one day I was walking down a street in Old Montreal and I could feel the remaining pieces coming back to me. It was as if they physically reincorporated into my body and suddenly I was whole again.

It was only a week after that that I started working from my home office again. I am sure the closeness of those events were not a coincidence.

I found the quote by Tolle (from my blog yesterday) very moving and already experienced some results from putting out into the world what I felt the world was withholding from me.

For a long time I was very critical of myself. I was harsh and demanding of myself in a way that was extremely detrimental. I am no longer that way. I actually have let myself off the hook for things I would rather not have done knowing that I did the best I could at the time.

Last night I was out chatting at my local bar and received an apology and an explanation that I NEVER thought I would receive. I really didn't need the apology, I had already settled the situation in my mind but there I was receiving it anyway. I was a little surprised and honoured at the same time.

I realized that the universe was giving me back the forgiveness and explanation that I had withheld. The simple fact that I no longer required it changed the whole energy between myself and the other person and I ended up with more than I had ever anticipated.

It is hard to express how this newfound synchronicity has changed my life. I am not sure I would have noticed these subtle, beautiful gifts even months ago.

I will keep giving what I feel has been withheld, but I have a feeling that I will realize that nothing has been withheld at all. Imagine how my life will change if I truly realize that!

My life will become wide open--what an absolutely wonderful idea!