School is soon upon us!

This time of year is about buckling down and getting back to it--whatever that it may be. I've enjoyed this summer, in fact I think it has been one of my best summers ever. That makes me feel very, very optimistic about the fall!

My birthday is around the corner too and I am walking that slippery slope to my 40s. I know a lot of people find 40 a daunting number for a multitude of reasons but I am not worried about turning 40 in the least. I have three years to go until then but nonetheless my life is so much better now than when I was turning 30 that I can only watch the coming years with awe.

I think as we approach 40 we stop taking crap from people--or at least we should. We spent our childhoods being inundated with negative energy and now, as full-fledged adults, 'we're not gonna take it' (thank you Twisted Sister!).

There's something exciting and so possible about the fall. Even though the trees will soon go to sleep for another long winter our brains will be spinning with new projects, ideas and, well, fun.

There's no other word for it really. Life has become fun. Everything about it is full of wonder and magic and possibility. That's where not taking any crap comes in. If you make sure your life isn't filled with negative people and details and drama then you've got the time to have that extra cup of tea, take the dog for a leisurely walk in the woods and listen to your love late into the night.

That's really what life is all about. It's not about work and obligations and serious faces. Life is about child-like innocence, love, affection, children, family and peace--well at least mine finally is anyway!

The reality of energy

Nobody told me. I could have used a heads up or something.

As my energy shot off the scale last night my brain shut down.

I have become a conduit for the universe and the universe has a lot to tell me. Luckily I was in a soft and cozy place to crash because crash I did.

I think the universe wants me to write and work and work a lot more.

I've had a block or lack of belief in my abilities or I was hesitating or I was afraid or all of the above. Hard to describe it really but it happened and now it is over.

I have this very focused feeling inside me and once this pre-school week is over I will dig into my fall work schedule.

Write it down and make it happen.

The Saturday Unexpected

I had an incredible week and left my writing until after my seminar yesterday.

So many new and different things have happened to me in the last few months that looking back I'm a bit awe struck by it all--in a wonderful way.

My path has been becoming more and more defined as these months have gone by and I feel that I am on the cusp of something wonderful and ground breaking.

The hammock is up in my backyard (finally) thanks to my boyfriend that knew I'd take forever to get around to it. Bless him for helping to make our relaxation a reality under the tall, beautiful trees in my backyard.

My energy level has increased considerably and I am drawing people to me that I want to be near. I am also drawing projects to me that I want to work on, which is equally wonderful in a dynamic and creative way.

I wish you all a wonderful weekend full of joy and love.

Remember that children, marriages and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The Journey

Yes, today is journey day!

Anger, frustration--manifestations of my ego. I suppose I could say it's the Welsh fire coursing through my veins. Ancestry certainly mustn't be denied, but the German stoicism inside me says 'Rein it in, Jackie, rein in that passion!'

How ugly an idea it is to 'control' my emotions so completely.

For most of my life I have been on a journey to discover why. Why am I getting angry and frustrated? Where is that fire coming from? And is all that fire a loss of control, as my German side so often tells me. No highs or lows, just an even keel. I find that idea so unattractive you cannot imagine!

I realize fire is a part of me.

So after I figured out the whys then I realized that not all anger and frustration are misplaced or negative. Some of it originated in growth, expansion and, well, coming into my own.

Suddenly a light bulb went on in my head--coming into my own. What would happen if my Welsh fire was also coupled with awareness? And then what would happen if my Germanic stoicism was coupled with steely resolve? Aha, suddenly a formula I can live with inside myself. The right formula for me and no one else.

People around me are suddenly dealing with a whole, integrated and centred person. I am no longer silent, reclusive or malleable. Some people don't like it. I am sure they think to themselves, 'what's up with her, she's so different, so defiant, so hard to be around now.'

That's one way of looking at it, but the real truth is I am no longer what they expect me to be. Whatever they were projecting onto me is now broken, the pattern has ended and I am now what I expect me to be--they aren't too comfortable with that.

Luckily I have realized that my life is not about anyone else. That doesn't mean I have become callous or self-absorbed actually quite the opposite, no I have become true to myself and you'd be surprised how many people aren't too comfortable with that. Well, maybe you wouldn't be surprised, but I guess at first I was.

My journey has brought me here to this place where I listen to myself first, ask myself how I feel before discussing my feelings with anyone else and trusting that I really do know what's best for me because I am the one living in my own skin--and no one else.

Before I was afraid that if I was true to myself first certain people wouldn't love me anymore.

When I decided to be true to myself despite this possibility I miraculously realized that their 'conditional love' wasn't important anyway.

Those 'conditional' people are less present in my life now, but I have found new people that want to know me for myself and don't even know what conditional means.

Ahhh, freedom to be myself with the people I truly love.

Freedom to be myself with myself.

Freedom.

Open Forum

Good morning one and all!

I am going to change the way I write my blog. I won't be writing every day and I will likely vary the title depending on my mood and what I want to write about.

I think writing anything, even a blog, is a process and I like things to grow and evolve.

Change has never been a problem for me and the creative process is all about change.

Have a wonderful weekend and remember: Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. Raymond Lindquist