My new blog

I just want to let you all know that I have started a new blog called 'The way is love.'

I hope you will all check it out and feel free to sign up under 'Follow this blog.'

Cheers and have a great day!

In praise of laptops everywhere

I am not with-it technologically speaking.

Yes, I did work for a tech firm as a writer and editor. Yes, I did really write stuff about software solutions. And yes, I did learn the techie jargon.

But despite all that I only bought my first laptop last Thursday and I just got it up and running completely yesterday. I know, I know...I'm just a bit behind the times, however, I'm rapidly catching up.

Now I want a good reason to pack up my laptop and carry it around with me.

I work from home so I'll have to be creative, but I'm in a line of work that makes me uniquely qualified to be creative so that's half the battle, right?

Cool. I feel so mobile.

I can twirl around on top of an expansively green field (just like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music) while singing 'my laptop is alive with the sound of,' well, you get the idea.

I think my last post sounded preachy--sorry about that!

Patterns certainly seem to be ever-present in my life (and that of others).

Maybe you don't believe me.

Maybe you think it doesn't happen to you. To you coincidences are just chance, perhaps.

I say to that, "Balderdash!"

"No way, Jose!"

"Impossible!"

These 'coincidences' are the universe's way of trying to help you, to teach you and guide you on breaking those old nasty patterns and inturn learning more about who you truly are.

And by old nasties I mean all those psychological and physical things your parents (and others) have done to you (and may still be doing to you).

It is fascinating how the universe sees what you need to learn and places it right under your nose. Sometimes quite literally.

I have acknowledged my 'coincidences' as learning experiences and have learned and continue to learn many things from them.

I am now also in the process of teaching someone else how to learn from their coincidences.

There is no more noble job than helping another soul feel more comfortable and safe in their own skin.

That's really what all those recurring patterns are trying to teach you.

The ultimate goal in this world is to unlearn all the damaging, negative and controlling things your parents (and others) taught you.

Your parents (and others) may have meant well or they may have not. They may have been doing their best or they may have been using you. No matter what their reasons they do not define who you are.

Only you can know who you truly are!

I encourage you to notice coincidences, learn from them and embrace them as tools that bring you closer to yourself.

Good luck and keep passing the open windows.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Since I didn't make a turkey this year because hockey pools just seemed to keep getting in the way (French Canadians are crazy for hockey), I have decided to post one instead.

I hope you all enjoy it in a virtual sort of way!

A bientot.

New job on the horizon

Yep, it's true. A new job is about to land in my lap. Oh, how sweet that is!

I'm gonna keep flogging myself with Canadian publishers and beyond, but this work is for one right here in beautiful Montreal, so it's all good.

How to make that target every month? That target income I mean.

Well, you know, I decided to stop wondering how and just, well, do it.

I can't believe it's really any more complicated than that. No, I really don't believe it is.

I'm thinking of letting go of my idea of writing for magazines however. After I realized More has sold out and gone cheerleader on us all, well, I can't find any intelligent women's magazines that I like.

I find it a bit depressing actually that all women want to read is how-to articles, testimonials of other 'cougars' like them and health issues that make you wanna cry.

Maybe I'll get over it, but then again maybe I won't.

It could be a sign sayin' "It ain't for you, kid."

Yep, that really could be it.

Anyway, have a great Thanksgiving weekend all! Until next time.

Jobs, jobs, jobs...

It's about time I wrote for you all again!

What have I been up to? Well, I've been writing queries, contacting Canadian publishers, writing pieces for various papers trying to get published and searching for media jobs. Sound familiar? Is this what your life is like too? Endless self-promotion and job searching with paying jobs mixed in for reinforcement? Good, I'm not alone then.

Of course that's not how I spend my off time. Then I write in my journal. Wow, does it ever stop? Yes, when I watch movies, go out for dinner and drinks, spend time with my son, spend time with my boyfriend and clean, do laundry and veg.

Fall is rapidly approaching and it's pretty darn nippy today. I'm going to walk my doggie tonight and he will love it--he's a cool weather pooch!

It's so much easier to hunker down and work when it's cool and damp outside. I could barely wrap my head around work this summer (and falling in love with my boyfriend had absolutely nothing to do with my lack of focus, honest).

Now, the focus has come back because the kids are back in school and all is routine once more (and the love is solid and deep so focusing is easier).

I will keep you updated on my job-search progress. It's exciting and you never know where the next job will pop up from. That's the fun of it for me.

Have a great one all! Write you soon.

It's today and not yesterday

Being here is, well, really healing.

I have been working hard for years to find my way here and somehow I always thought (or maybe was conditioned to believe) that my journey would be alone.

People in my life, in my past, tried to isolate me from myself, but they did not succeed, thankfully.

I have come to realize quite profoundly that I don't want to be alone at all. In fact, it really isn't my natural state or good for me.

Some people believe that wanting to be with people and needing people is a weakness. And how many times have we heard that we can only really rely on ourselves?

I think this is false, however.

Everywhere you look people rely on other people for countless things. So many things that even a partial list is pretty awesome.

Our society is trying to convince us that people only have value if they are beautiful, skinny, popular, rich and successful--whatever all that means. All of those 'qualities' are subjective and extremely superficial.

Why I ever believed that I had more 'value' because I chose to be alone I will never know.

I definitely don't feel that way anymore.

I think this socially imposed isolation increases the severity of many mental illnesses in our culture and spirals many people into believing they are not worthy of love or understanding or even friendship.

I found out about two months ago that an old boyfriend of mine, the man that I consider my first real love, killed himself a few years ago.

I was extremely upset that he no longer exists here anymore. I think being pushed away, shunned and abused as a child caused him to perpetually feel isolated from everyone and most especially himself.

It is a tragedy because there aren't many souls like his on this earth--as I've come to realize in time.

I refuse to buy into the idea that I have to make it alone to be worthy. I wish Jon had realized that too and simply held on to someone until he felt solid again. It is today that I wish him a wonderful journey wherever he may be and I acknowledge the fact that he has taught me that being alone for the look of it is pointless and damaging and really not where I'm meant to be.

Peace and love, Jon. Peace and love.

Birthdays...

So they say it's your birthday, well it's my birthday too...

Seriously, it really is, I swear, no joke.

It's the day that we ponder all that has come before and what is about to begin.

The next big year in our lives...hmmm...my shoulders feel heavier just thinking about it.

No, but seriously, I think we always have a tendency to wonder how that next year will unfold. "How is being 37 going to look, feel and taste," you know that sort of thing.

I'm really not worried. I know it sounds cliche and our grandparents have said it a zillion times before but with age we do gain a certain wisdom. Experience breeds a certain thoughtfulness, a certain realization that patterns unfold and that some are good and others are better left by the curb.

I am aware of my curbed debris and leave it there to dry out and certainly never multiply. The good patterns I have been embracing and they definitely hug back.

So, since it's my birthday I want to share with you an artist that I have found in one of those wonderful artist-to-artist ways, his name is 'That 1 Guy' and his song 'One' is a favourite of mine.

He represents all that I love about being an artist: Creating something out of nothing, reaching deep into your soul for inspiration, creating it because it has to be born no matter what and thrilling people with the amazing, unorthodox, wonderful, bizarre result.

I wish you all a wonderful day. My birthday spirit goes out to you all!

Getting up is really hard!

When the alarm clock went off I still felt the miasma of being woken up a few times by my cat, wondering where my dog was and why he didn't sleep next to me last night and the fact that I had to get up and make a lunch.

I am not a morning person.

I don't like being woken up before I'm ready by Aaron and Tasso saying inane things about school beginning. Enough already! Why add insult to injury--oh, yah, some people get off on doing that! Yuck!!!

So now that I'm on my second tea, my first allergy pill and am trying to psych myself up to take out my dog I'd like to say I feel more awake, but that would be a lie.

I have all sorts of great ideas about how I'd like to spend my day being super productive and creative, but I have to ooze myself back into the 'routine'--that mind-numbing, stressful, seemingly never-ending life filled with details. OK, OK, so it's maybe not that bad really, but it feels like it right now.

I'm a 'half-glass-full' kinda person so I know this complaining will all blow over pretty quick but it is on mornings like these that I remind myself how much I love the meandering, sleep in, lazy borderline boring days of summer.

Summer, I love you and I wish you were still here.

School is soon upon us!

This time of year is about buckling down and getting back to it--whatever that it may be. I've enjoyed this summer, in fact I think it has been one of my best summers ever. That makes me feel very, very optimistic about the fall!

My birthday is around the corner too and I am walking that slippery slope to my 40s. I know a lot of people find 40 a daunting number for a multitude of reasons but I am not worried about turning 40 in the least. I have three years to go until then but nonetheless my life is so much better now than when I was turning 30 that I can only watch the coming years with awe.

I think as we approach 40 we stop taking crap from people--or at least we should. We spent our childhoods being inundated with negative energy and now, as full-fledged adults, 'we're not gonna take it' (thank you Twisted Sister!).

There's something exciting and so possible about the fall. Even though the trees will soon go to sleep for another long winter our brains will be spinning with new projects, ideas and, well, fun.

There's no other word for it really. Life has become fun. Everything about it is full of wonder and magic and possibility. That's where not taking any crap comes in. If you make sure your life isn't filled with negative people and details and drama then you've got the time to have that extra cup of tea, take the dog for a leisurely walk in the woods and listen to your love late into the night.

That's really what life is all about. It's not about work and obligations and serious faces. Life is about child-like innocence, love, affection, children, family and peace--well at least mine finally is anyway!

The reality of energy

Nobody told me. I could have used a heads up or something.

As my energy shot off the scale last night my brain shut down.

I have become a conduit for the universe and the universe has a lot to tell me. Luckily I was in a soft and cozy place to crash because crash I did.

I think the universe wants me to write and work and work a lot more.

I've had a block or lack of belief in my abilities or I was hesitating or I was afraid or all of the above. Hard to describe it really but it happened and now it is over.

I have this very focused feeling inside me and once this pre-school week is over I will dig into my fall work schedule.

Write it down and make it happen.

The Saturday Unexpected

I had an incredible week and left my writing until after my seminar yesterday.

So many new and different things have happened to me in the last few months that looking back I'm a bit awe struck by it all--in a wonderful way.

My path has been becoming more and more defined as these months have gone by and I feel that I am on the cusp of something wonderful and ground breaking.

The hammock is up in my backyard (finally) thanks to my boyfriend that knew I'd take forever to get around to it. Bless him for helping to make our relaxation a reality under the tall, beautiful trees in my backyard.

My energy level has increased considerably and I am drawing people to me that I want to be near. I am also drawing projects to me that I want to work on, which is equally wonderful in a dynamic and creative way.

I wish you all a wonderful weekend full of joy and love.

Remember that children, marriages and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The Journey

Yes, today is journey day!

Anger, frustration--manifestations of my ego. I suppose I could say it's the Welsh fire coursing through my veins. Ancestry certainly mustn't be denied, but the German stoicism inside me says 'Rein it in, Jackie, rein in that passion!'

How ugly an idea it is to 'control' my emotions so completely.

For most of my life I have been on a journey to discover why. Why am I getting angry and frustrated? Where is that fire coming from? And is all that fire a loss of control, as my German side so often tells me. No highs or lows, just an even keel. I find that idea so unattractive you cannot imagine!

I realize fire is a part of me.

So after I figured out the whys then I realized that not all anger and frustration are misplaced or negative. Some of it originated in growth, expansion and, well, coming into my own.

Suddenly a light bulb went on in my head--coming into my own. What would happen if my Welsh fire was also coupled with awareness? And then what would happen if my Germanic stoicism was coupled with steely resolve? Aha, suddenly a formula I can live with inside myself. The right formula for me and no one else.

People around me are suddenly dealing with a whole, integrated and centred person. I am no longer silent, reclusive or malleable. Some people don't like it. I am sure they think to themselves, 'what's up with her, she's so different, so defiant, so hard to be around now.'

That's one way of looking at it, but the real truth is I am no longer what they expect me to be. Whatever they were projecting onto me is now broken, the pattern has ended and I am now what I expect me to be--they aren't too comfortable with that.

Luckily I have realized that my life is not about anyone else. That doesn't mean I have become callous or self-absorbed actually quite the opposite, no I have become true to myself and you'd be surprised how many people aren't too comfortable with that. Well, maybe you wouldn't be surprised, but I guess at first I was.

My journey has brought me here to this place where I listen to myself first, ask myself how I feel before discussing my feelings with anyone else and trusting that I really do know what's best for me because I am the one living in my own skin--and no one else.

Before I was afraid that if I was true to myself first certain people wouldn't love me anymore.

When I decided to be true to myself despite this possibility I miraculously realized that their 'conditional love' wasn't important anyway.

Those 'conditional' people are less present in my life now, but I have found new people that want to know me for myself and don't even know what conditional means.

Ahhh, freedom to be myself with the people I truly love.

Freedom to be myself with myself.

Freedom.

Open Forum

Good morning one and all!

I am going to change the way I write my blog. I won't be writing every day and I will likely vary the title depending on my mood and what I want to write about.

I think writing anything, even a blog, is a process and I like things to grow and evolve.

Change has never been a problem for me and the creative process is all about change.

Have a wonderful weekend and remember: Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. Raymond Lindquist

The Voice

Good afternoon to you all.

I am continuing to read The Boss of You and have realized, working through their exercises, that technical writing is not for me.

I worked in the high tech world for several months and, while I was there enjoyed it, but it is not me.

Lauren Bacon and Emira Mears had some interesting questions that allowed me to see very clearly that writing and editing technical stuff leaves me cold, quite literally. For example, when they asked What colours, tastes and smells come to mind when you think of your business? I answered slate gray, gray-blue, icy coolness. I smell the snow on a clear, cold day. Hmmm...my children's fiction work and magazine article writing got moss green, Chinese red and the smell of the forest and sunlight.

I think it's pretty clear that I should let my technical writing go. The experience I gained working in the high tech field was invaluable, but it is just too sterile for who I am.

I had been hesitating looking for technical jobs and now I understand why.

It's good to know. No more high tech voice for me!

See you tomorrow all.

Open Forum

Good afternoon everyone!

I want to wish you all a wonderful weekend and I will see you all back here on Monday.

And as Thomas Fuller says: He that will not sail till all dangers are over must never put to sea.

Amen!

The Journey

Good morning one and all.

The journey has led me to a book titled The Boss of You by Lauren Bacon & Emira Mears.

It's a book about women entrepreneurs and since I am one I thought I'd pick it up. I have been a freelance writer and editor for over seven years now and I know how to self-promote, but I thought I might learn some tricks from these ladies.

It's not a book about writing specifically, it's about the global issues of running a successful business. I'd like to create a plan for myself. A plan that I can stick to and really carry out.

Writing isn't something that I can do all the time. I find when I have specific projects to work on I can focus, but when I am generating my own ideas the timing has to be right. Some days I just can't write a query or even do much research on upcoming ideas--I just seem to get blocked.

I don't believe I am unique in this, that's why writers talk about (and ironically write about) writer's block.

I have been wading in that miasmic pool recently so I have decided that if I can't write I can reorganize my business plans instead.

So that's where you'll find me today--reading, reading and reading some more.

That will lead to brainstorming, planning and then doing.

That will feel good!

The Mechanics

I wasn't going to write my blog today. I feel like I'm in a rut.

The weather doesn't help either, even my dog overslept because it's so dismal outside.

I have all sorts of ideas but I don't feel like writing anything for public consumption.

I don't know if it's writer's block or just a dip in my creative cycle.

How can I have ideas bouncing around in my head but not want to write any of them down!?

I just feel like being social and getting out. I don't feel like being solitary and pouring over my keyboard alone in my office.

Maybe that's it too. The summer makes you want to get out and live. Writing works better in the cooler months when you want to stay in anyway because it's chilly outside.

Anyway, for whatever reason here I am planning my day around the appointment I have, the errands I want to do and the things I want to accomplish--none of which have anything to do with writing.

Big sigh. Such is life.

The Writer's Weekly

I'm just not in the mood to blog today so I will see you all tomorrow.

Have a good one!