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Good morning one and all!

Happy Friday to you. It's one of those weeks where I feel as if I need some extra energy to motivate myself. I've felt like hiding part of the week (which never helps) and, well, quite frankly the universe bombarded me with too much and I am slowly dealing with all the emotions it has handed me.

Luckily some of the universe's information has been wonderful and happy and loving. That has helped me deal with the other really yucky discoveries that came my way on Tuesday and Wednesday.

I have never been good at dealing with death. I think it's because I have just seen too much of it from too young an age. When I was a young girl I just didn't know how to handle the absolute sadness I was feeling. Tragedy is hard to handle because it can happen so quickly. Suddenly your solid ground dissolves beneath you and you are falling...

Well, that's what it felt like when I was five. Now I know what reactions death brings up in me. I fight the panic and isolating feeling of it and make sure I look around and feel how solid and alive my life is.

That has been my struggle this week. I have moved past the sadness and now I'm angry. When people choose to kill themselves it is such a selfish act in some ways. I know why he did it. I knew him well enough to really get what he carried around inside. The battles he must have fought to stay real and present and gentle really must have been monumental. I understand all that, but now that he's at peace where the hell does that leave all the rest of us?

Well, here I guess. Here knowing we will never see him or talk with him again. That's pretty painful.

I have known for years that he could choose to give up, that maybe one day he just wouldn't be able to handle the memories and the emotional scars he carried with him. But I never gave up hope that maybe he'd have enough strength to fight it. I am an optimist and a fighter.

I must now come to terms with the fact that he just couldn't do it and that this planet has lost another person that is so sorely needed in this world.

All I can do now is never give up myself and help as many people as possible along my journey through this world.

With all my heart and soul I wish him peace.