The Saturday Unexpected

It's Saturday morning and I don't usually write on the weekend, but as I told someone the other day with me expect the unexpected.

I actually expected to be grocery shopping right now but it's raining pretty hard so I have opted out of food shopping for today. Why get soaked if you don't have to?

I am suddenly faced with one of the most exciting realities: I can do whatever I want.

I know that sounds really basic, but how many people that you know (and maybe even yourself) feel 'trapped' somewhere or by something that isn't even real?

Right, a lot of people feel that way.

I just suddenly realized that any 'traps' that I once felt caught in were entirely in my mind. And even if I was trapped as a child (and I was for a while) I kept on feeling trapped for years after I was 'untrapped.'

And suddenly that illusion of being caught has fallen away.

I even dreamed last night about being free and unfettered. I had two places of my own. One place could be thought of as 'a room of my own' and another where I live as a family.

I think my mind has given me the space to be both alone and not alone in my consciousness, in my soul.

There are times when I am very much alone. Now is one of those times. I know I will not be interrupted by anyone and I can write and think and be. Eventually I will get in my car and drive away and then I will come back.

Tomorrow will not be like that however. It will be filled with hockey and groceries and a birthday party.

But these two very different worlds make up a large part of my life. I have finally struck a balance between them and given myself the permission to live both of these lives to the fullest by being in whatever moment I am in at that time.

I no longer let myself dwell on the past or get pulled into the future. I simply dwell in the now.

That doesn't mean I don't plan or save or organize, but I do all that at a specific time and with purpose. When I am done planning I am done and I then move on to the moment I am in.

But by realizing I can do whatever I want I have let go of all that fear that I carried around with me for years. I have simply decided not to worry or fear or hesitate, I just don't see the point in it anymore. I no longer live in that moment of indecision or anxiety.

Now when I hear people say: I don't really have a choice, I'm so busy I don't have time, and so on, I know these statements simply aren't true. They are making a choice to not really have a choice or they are choosing to stay so busy that they simply don't have the time.

I've been there and done that, but no more.

I can choose to do whatever I want and I don't choose excuses and chaos, I choose now.