Open Forum

Good morning one and all and welcome to Open Forum.

Friday is the day I set aside to write about whatever I choose.

Sometimes it's about writing and sometimes it really isn't.

I was thinking about Andrew's post (from the Canadian Writers' Collective) about his father. I understand where Andrew is coming from.

Having had a none too successful marriage and being faced with single motherdom, I often feel insecure, unsure and alone in my decisions about my life and of course my son. The decisions and ideas I agonize over are sometimes big and I may appear together to my son (and other people around me), but I endure many sleepless nights and have to write countless pages in my journal to come to decisions that I am comfortable with for myself and, more importantly, for my son.

I try to run my life so that my son doesn't experience my dips and insecurities and I hope he does see me as a supermom. Kids are supposed to be kids and I don't want him taking on any of my worries or concerns. As Andrew rightly pointed out, he'll have to make all these decisions when he's a father so for now he can be innocent.

When you become a parent you really don't know what you're getting yourself into. It's a beautiful ride of great extremes and it has definitely put me more in touch with emotions I didn't quite know I had. I have never felt so helpless or inadequate (the colic phase) , or such joy (his first steps), or such heart-bursting giggle fits (when we share a joke that triggers the giggle monster) or such absolute peace (when he's asleep in my arms) as I have with my son.

I think being a real person involves lots of moments of reflection and not knowing immediately what you want to do or be or become. That certainly doesn't stop when you become a supermom or superdad.

I try to look at my life as a work in progress with a lot of love, respect and patience mixed in. I try to be just as generous with myself as I am with my son realizing that it's all new not only for him, but for me as well.

I would never take any of it back. I am honoured to share my life with such a beautiful child.

When we are broken open and feel our most vulnerable that is when we find ourselves: I have had the pleasure of having this wonderful journey with my son.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!